Character Theme Songs According To Emmett
by TwiHard24
Summary: What happens when Emmett has the brilliant idea of making personalized mixed CD's for the entire family? What songs does he chose for who? How does the Volturie react when they recieve there? Why did he color-code them? Hilarious! More Chapters coming!
1. Chapter 1

**I was bored and going through my iPod and thought this would be funny. Enjoy and feel free to give me song suggestions for later on!!**

**I don't own anything!**

Chapter 1--Alice-y Songs

"Hey guys! Guess what?" Emmett said as he ran into the living room where the entire Cullen family was sitting, plus Jacob and Charlie. "And no cheating Edward," he added as Edward opened his mouth to say something.

Alice's eyes glistened over for a second before they hardened. "_Don't even think about it_," she said through gritted teeth.

He grinned impishly. "Too late!" he said before popping a bright pink CD into the Cullen's stereo.

"Emmett, what is all this about?" Carlisle asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I made everyone their very own custom CD's of songs that remind me of them-and when I say everyone I mean _everyone_," he said with a grin.

"Who's are we listening to first?" Esme asked curiously.

"Alice," he said, smirking at the pixie-like vampire tucked under Jasper's arm. "These are songs that I think are Alice-y," he announced as he pressed play.

"_Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Oh my God, shoes. Oh my God, shoes. Sho-"_

"-That's the perfect song Emmett," Bella said as everyone laughed-except for Alice who didn't look all that amused.

"I am _not _that obsessed with shoes," she muttered to herself.

"Don't lie Alice, that song is on your iPod," Edward said with a smirk as she stuck her tongue out at him.

"Commencing next song!" Emmett said before pressing another button.

"_It's out with the old and in with the new. Goodbye clouds of grey, hello skies of blue. A dip in the pool, a trip to the spa. Endless days in my chaise, the whole world according to-"_

"-Moi!" Alice sang the last part with the singer as we all started laughing. She looked at all of us innocently. "What? I like that song," she said easily.

Emmett chuckled and turned on the next song.

"_Her face is a map of the world. Is a map of the world. You can see she's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. And everything around her is a silver pool of light. The people who surround her feel the benefit of it. It makes you calm. She holds you captivated in her palm. Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see). This is what I wanna be. Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see) Why the hell it means so much to-"_

"What a perfect fit," Jasper grinned at her before whispering something in her ear that made her giggle.

"Alright, enough of that. I don't you need you blowing waves of cuteness and fluff at me Jasper. I feel like I'm going to up-chuck a rainbow or something," Emmett said as he changed the song.

"_Hi Barbie! Hi Ken! You wanna go for a ride? Sure, Ken! Jump in! Ha ha ha ha! I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world. Life in plastic, it's fanta-"_

"-Okay, that song is completely unnecessary," Alice interrupted, running toward the stereo and shutting it off as we all laughed.

"Why is it that you're the only one who doesn't think these songs fit?" Jake asked her with a laugh as Alice scowled at him before sitting back down with Jasper in a huff.

"Now, now children. Calm down and be good little kiddies while you listen to our next Alice-tastic song," Emmett said before pressing play.

"_I'm sitting in a room, made up of only big white walls and in the halls there're people looking through. The windows and the doors they know exactly what their here for. Don't look back just let them think there's no place you'd rather be. You're-"_

"-Why'd you stop it there Emmett? No one interrupted that time," Carlisle said confused.

"Well, the rest kind of fits Alice but the first part with the padded room is why I picked it," he said grinning devilishly at Alice.

She rolled her eyes. "You just wait Emmett," she threatened. "You just-"

"-Next song!" Esme interrupted quickly.

"_Some boys kiss me, some boys hug meI think theyre o. they dont give me proper __credit__I just walk awayThey can beg and they can pleadBut they cant see the light, thats rightcause the boy with the cold hard cashIs always mister right, cause we areChorus:Living in a material worldAnd I am a __material girl__You know that we are living in a material worldAnd I am a material girlSome boys romance, some boys slow __dance__Thats all right with meIf they cant raise my interest then iHave to let them beSome boys try and some boys lie butI dont let them playOnly boys who save their penniesMake my rainy day, cause they are(chorus)Living in a material world [material]Living in a material world(repeat)Boys may come and boys may goAnd thats all right you seeExperience has made me richAnd now theyre after me, cause everybodys(chorus)A material, a material, a material, a material worldLiving in a material world [material]Living in a material world."_

"So I'm guessing you approved of that one," Emmett asked once the song was done, all of the Cullen woman laughing as they sang the song and the boys and Renesme just enjoying listening to them.

"I guess that one was alright," Alice said with a grin.

"Alright, who's next?" Esme asked happily.

Emmett grinned and picked up a grey CD. "Jasper," he said with a sly grin, slipping in the CD.

**What did you think of the songs?? Any suggestions for Jasper? It can be any genre-give a little explanation why it fits if you don't think I'll get it. REVIEW and tell me your favorite song out of the bunch!**


	2. The Confederate

**Sorry I haven't had time to update this! But I finally think I found enough songs and all that. Oh yes, songs from last chapter (In no particular order):**

**Fabulous-High School Musical**

**Shoes-Kelly**

**Suddenly I See-KD Turnstall**

**Barbie Girl-Aqua**

**Fences-Paramore**

**Material Girl-Madonna **

**Okay, here's the next chapter! Songs at the bottom. And I'll probably just skip to the choruses or the parts that relate to the characters to save time and confusion :D**

Chapter 2--The Confederate

"You know what Emmett? I don't think I really want a CD," Jasper said.

"Oh, I think you do," Emmett said certainly.

"No. I don't," Jasper said surely.

"I even made it gray for the Confederates! Yes want one."

"No I don't."

"Yes. You-"

"-Will you just hit play already?!" Alice exclaimed irritably.

"Well fine then Miss Saucy Pants," Emmett muttered before pushing play.

"_Pain. Without love. Pain. I can't get enough. Pain. I like it rough; cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all. You're sick of feeling numb. You're not the only one. I'll take you by the hand and I'll show you a world you can understand. This life is filled with hurt when happiness doesn't work." _

Emmett turned the song off there and looked around the room with a satisfied smirk as everyone pursed their lips and tried not to laugh…except Jasper and Charlie. "I don't get it," Charlie said finally.

"Dad…you don't want to," Bella said as she and the rest of the room tried not to laugh.

"I hate you," Jasper said with finality as he glared at his brother.

"I'm sensing some hostility there Jazzy boy-am I right? Is that what you're feeling? Hostile? Because, you know, I'm not the one to ask," Emmett said.

"Just change the song Emmett," Alice said, rolling her eyes.

"Fine, fine. I thought out all people _you _would've been the one to understand that last song choice," he said, glancing at Jasper quickly before playing the next song.

"_Soulja Boy up in the ho. Watch me lean and watch me roll. Watch me crank that Soulja Boy and superman that ho-"_

"-Emmett," Jasper warned as he glared at him and everyone else laughed-except Charlie. He still had no idea what they were talking about.

"Oh come on. Everyone thinks it's funny other than you-even Alice does," Emmett said.

Jasper looked down at Alice as she giggled. "I'm sorry Jasper. But you have to admit-"

"-Next. Song," Jasper said slowly.

"Okay, okay. Take some Midol, will ya?," Emmett said, pressing play. "This one's mostly for Alice anyway," Emmett said before the music started.

"_Now she's come'n home to visit hold'n the hand of a wild eyed boy with a farmer's tan. And she's riding in the middle of his pick up truck. Blaring Charlie Daniels yelling turn it up. They raised her as a lady but there's one thing they couldn't avoid…ladies love country boys."_

"See now, you can't really complain about that one," Emmett said as everyone laughed and Alice smiled widely at Jasper who was chuckling.

"I guess that one is somewhat appropriate," he said as he and Alice intertwined their fingers.

"What's the next song?" Bella asked curiously.

"Well, this one is also for Alice," he said with a sly smirk.

"_Cause I saddle up my horse and I ride into the city. And I make a lot of noise, cause the girls they are so pretty. Riding up and down Broadway in my old stud Leroy's. and the girls say; save a horse, ride a cowboy! Everybody says; save a horse, ride a cowboy!"_

"Emmett," Edward said as he rolled his eyes and Emmett started laughing hysterically at his musical innuendo.

"Okay, so that's not everyone's taste-I understand. Let's give the next one a go," he said.

"_And it's 1, 2, 3 what are we fighting for? Don't ask me I don't give a damn. Next stop is Vietnam. And it's 4, 5, 6 open up the pearly gates. And there ain't no time to wonder why-whoopee! We're all gonna die!"_

"Not funny Emmett," Carlisle said disapprovingly as he and a few of the other Cullen's tried not to laugh. "Those wars were very serious."

"I'm just trying to lighten everyone up," Emmett said innocently.

"It's alright Emmett, keep going," Esme said, giving in to Emmett's pout and believing that her son was doing this for the good of all of them. Oh how wrong she was.

"_You make me feel…so emotional_-"

"-Turn that one off _now_," Jasper seethed immediately while everyone burst out laughing.

"What? You don't _like _Christina Aguilera?" Emmett asked innocently as Jasper continued to silently glare at him. "Fine, I'll put on the next song."

"_Can you feel the love tonight. Just like-"_

"-Emmett," Jasper said through gritted teeth. "I will kill you," he said certainly.

"Jeez. First Christina and now Disney? What's up with him?" Emmett muttered to himself. If he can't appreciate musical genius then I don't know why I'm doing this, Emmett thought.

"_Here's a little song I wrote. Might want to sing it note for note. Don't worry. Be happy. Don't worry, be happy now. Woohoo woohoo woo-"_

"Turn. It. Off.," Jasper seethed as the room erupted with laughter.

"Okay, calm down Jazzy. I swear you're more hormonal than a pregnant woman," Emmett muttered as Jasper continued to glare.

"One more song Emmett," Carlisle said, sensing his son's breaking point wasn't too far away.

"Alright, there's only one left anyway," Emmett said easily. "And this one pertains to Jasper _and _Bella-you'll get what I mean when you hear it," he told everyone before pressing play.

"_Everyone makes mistakes…Everyone has those days."_

"Emmett," Edward said calmly. "Run."

Emmett's eyes quickly darted from Edward to Jasper before he ran out the back door.

"Emmett, get back here!" Jasper called as he bolted after him. "I'm only going to make it more painful if you keep running!"

**And there you go. Theme songs for Jasper. The last one, if you didn't get it, was for Jasper at Bella's B-Day party. Whoopsie. Anyway, REVIEW! Up next…Carlisle. MWAHAHAHA! **

**Songs from this chapter:**

**Pain-Three Days Grace**

**Crank That-Soulja Boy**

**Ladies Love Country Boys-Trace Adkins**

**Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy-Big And Rich**

**I Feel Like I'm Fix'n To Die-The Killers**

**So Emotional-Christina Aguilera **

**Can You Feel The Love Tonight-Disney's The Lion King**

**Don't Worry, Be Happy-Bobby McFerrin**

**Everybody Makes Mistakes-Hannah Montana**

**If you want to hear any of these songs go to: Play list (dot) com **

**Sorry, I had to make the web address look weird so it would work when I put this up on fanfic. So go check out the songs!! It's free!**


	3. Fresh Fresh Clothes

Okay, so….I haven't updated anything in a million years. I apoligize.

MY COMPUTER CRASHED GOD DAMN IT!

-let out slow, cleansing breath-

Okay, I was royally pissed when my sister effed up my computer and I couldn't do much with the time I had at school so…I hope this makes up for it.

….Enjoy.

**Chapter 3--Fresh Fresh Clothes**

"**Is everyone calmed down now?" Carlisle asked serenely as Jasper and Emmett re-entered the house, several minutes and a few 'manly' screams from Emmett later. **

"**I don't know. Why don't you ask Mr. I-Like-Causing-Innocent-People-Pain-Because-I-Enjoy-The-Feeling-Of-Power over there," Emmett muttered, glaring at a smirking Jasper.**

"**Everyone's just dandy," Jasper said with as he sat next to Alice.**

"**Alright, let's continue going through the CD's Emmett. You spent a lot of time on them and I think we should all be considerate," Esme said with a small grin as she watched all her family get along-most of them anyway.**

"**That's a great idea," Emmett said brightly. He pulled out a light blue CD and popped it in the stereo. "This one's for Carlisle…But it does relate to Esme occasionally."**

"_**Doctor, doctor. Give me the news. I got a strange case of love'n you! No pills gonna cure my ill. I've got a bad case of-"**_

"**Yeah, I think we get it Emmett," Carlisle said wryly, but grinning slightly as Esme held her hands over her mouth to hide her laughter. **

"**Well I'm just say'n," Emmett said defensively, pressing the next button.**

"_**I told the witch doctor I was in love with you. I told the witch doctor you didn't love me too. And then the witch doctor he told me what to do. He said ooh to the eeh the ooh the aah aah. To the ting to the tang the wallahwallah bingban. Ooh to the eeh the ooh the aah aah. Ting tang wallahwallah bingbang!"**_

**I'm sure someone would've interrupted the sound sooner if it weren't for the face that they were all staring at Emmett incredulously, mouth hung open and eyes wide as he sang along and dance around the living. **

"**Who put crack in your brownies?" Jake asked, breaking the silence. Rosalie glared at him and Bella smacked the back of his head. **

"**If fit though, right? Right?" Emmett asked, receiving no answer from anyone. Grumbling to himself he pressed play. "No one appreciates me anymore."**

"_**Daddy. Daddy wasn't there. To change my underwear. It seems he doesn't care. Daddy wasn't there. When I was first baptized. When I was criticized. When I was ostracized. When I was Jazzercized. Steak and kidney pies. When I was modernized. When I was circumcised. Daddy wasn't-"**_

"**Alright, I think that's enough of that song," Rosalie cut in. Once again the Cullen's were all rendered speechless, not quite sure to make of the song. **

"**It's alright Rosalie," Carlisle said easily, a small smile on his face as he found some humor in this.**

"_**Thank **_**you, Carlisle," Emmett said with a grin-glad **_**someone **_**found this funny. He played the next song.**

"_**Ozians! Go and hunt her. And find her. And kill her. Good fortune, Witch Hunters! Go and hunt her. And find her. And kill her. Kill the Witch!"**_

**Carlisle hung his head in his hands, shaking his head back and forth in dismay. Everyone watched him, not sure what to make of his reaction. I mean…witch hunters…**_**vampire hunters?**_** "How do you **_**find **_**these songs?" Carlisle asked incredulously, an amuse look covering his face. **

"**I have my ways," Emmett said with a grin, playing the next song.**

"_**Pressure. Pushing down on me. Pressing down on you. No man ask for. Under pressure."**_

"**Oh jeez Emmett," Edward said, rolling his eyes. "Even **_**you **_**could've been more creative than…," he trailed off, meeting Esme's warning gaze. **

"**More creative than what, Eddie?" Emmett asked, smiling smugly as he watched his brother war between his opinion and the disapproval of his mother figure.**__

"…**Jasper was the one who stole your batman costume in 1987," Edward blurted out, raising his hands in surrender. Jasper's eyes widened and Emmett's jaw dropped as he stared accusingly at his brother-or the man he **_**used **_**to call his brother. **

"**Is this true?" he asked, astonishment coloring his tone. And all this time he secretly blamed it on Alice, knowing that her fashion obsession would drive her to insanity which would eventually lead her to steal the most awesome costume in the world for himself. **

"**You seriously thought that?" Edward asked, raising his eyebrows. **

**Emmett just waved a dismissive hand at him, his focus entirely on Jasper as he waited for an answer. "I was paid to do it!" Jasper finally exclaimed, throwing his hands up much like Edward had previously done.**

**Emmett's eyes narrowed. "Who?" **

"**It was Rose!" he yelled, pointing at the blonde who had been seemingly paying no attention at all to the current conversation at hand. **

**Emmett gasped loudly as Rosalie bit her bottom lip. "It was just so tacky," she defended, wrinkling her nose in disgust. **

**Emmett gasped again, sucking in even more air than last time. "You deceiving traitor! My own wife! This sort of betrayal is only supposed to happen in books! This is terrible! This is catastrophic! This is-"**

"**-A conversation completely void of all reason!" Esme cut in, warning the family with her eyes not to continue with their argument. "Play the next song Emmett," she said calmly.**

"**But my costu-"**

"**I said play it!" Esme snapped, making everyone but Carlisle jump in surprise at her tone. He actually had the audacity to chuckle.**

"**Yes Mother," Emmett said, instantly pressing the button.**

"_**I'm a gigolo, spending lotsa dough. You can tell the way wide-body, sitting on vogues. Peep how I'm shining, wit the fresh, fresh clothes. Always surrounded, by so many (HO!). I'm a gigolo, always on the go. Every time I turn around, I got another show. Leave the club with about three in a row. Jump in the Six, 'cause I love them (HO!)."**_

"**What does that have to do with Carlisle…at all?" Alice asked, blinking.**

**Emmett let out an exasperated sigh and rolled his eyes. "Did you even **_**listen **_**to the words? '**_**Lotsa dough…fresh, fresh clothes…GIGALO?!'" **_**He offered, as if those were all obvious reasons to back his song choice.**

"_**Right**_**," Jake muttered sarcastically.**

"**Okay buddies, I'll play the last one so we can really get started," Emmett said, shooting a glare at Jake.**

"**They call me Doctor Love babyPaging Doctor Love to EmergencyDoctor Love to EmergencyI'm Doctor Love(Love)I'm Doctor Love(Love)Come be my patient(patient)I'll cure without a drugI'm Doctor Love(Love)I'm Doctor Love(Love)Come be my patient(patient)I'll cure without a drugI'm Doctor LoveYou could call me the love doctorImma make you feel betterSometimes pain is pleasureLay down on the stretcherLove sick but I got the cureSo don't you panic, babeYou'll be begging me for moreAfter the surgeryTell me when you're sick againIn need of healing, I'll be there for youLove is like a vitaminI got the feeling, so let me love youOh, Here's what i'm gon' doCalling in code blueAbout to rescue you, with my medicineI'm Doctor Love(Love)I'm Doctor Love(Love)Come be my patient(patient)I'll cure without a drugI'm Doctor Love(Love)I'm Doctor Love(Love)Come be my patient(patient)I'll cure without a drugI'm Doctor LoveSo i hear can't eat, not sleepingCome in for late night treatmentOh girl, you're so contagious (It makes me)I wanna help yaWhen you're under weatherI can love it betterAll you need is one dose of my vaccineSo tell me when you're sick againIn need of healing, I'll be there for youLove is like a vitaminI got the feeling, so let me love youOh, Here's what i'm gon' doCalling in code blueAbout to rescue you, with my medicineI'm Doctor Love(Love)I'm Doctor Love(Love)Come be my patient(patient)I'll cure without a drugI'm Doctor Love(Love)I'm Doctor Love(Love)Come be my patient(patient)I'll cure without a drugI'm Doctor LoveHave no fear, baby im hereJust show me where it hurts you babeSo that i can get to healingAnd don't be afraidJust take of dose of meAnd i'll see you in the morningI'm Doctor Love(Love)I'm Doctor Love(Love)Come be my patient(patient)I'll cure without a drugI'm Doctor Love(Love)I'm Doctor Love(Love)Come be my patient(patient)I'll cure without a drugI'm Doctor LoveLet me ya doctor baby, Let me ya doctor girlLet me ya doctor baby, Let me ya doctor girlOh, let me rescue you, Let me rescue you, yeah, oh"**

**Okay, that's all I got. Hope it was alright. What'd ya think? FAV SONG? FAV LINE? **

**PLAYLIST:**

**Bad Case Of Love'n You (Doctor, Doctor)--Robert Palmer**

**Witch Doctor--Alvin and the Chipmunks**

**Daddy--Austin Powers**

**March Of the Witch Hunters--Wicked**

**Under Pressure--Queen**

**Gigalo--Nick Cannon **

**Doctor Love--Donnie J. Klang**

**REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FAVORITES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LIMES!!!!!!!!!!!**


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